#24 | dear mister: keto diet
This snail mail entry includes the topics of dieting and eating disorder. Please learn more about the warning signs and symptoms of an eating disorder here. Also, here is a short screening tool for persons aged 13 and up to determine if it’s time to seek professional help.
dear mister,
Remember when we tried a diet together after our trip to Peru? Yeah, the diet that almost broke our relationship (I kid, but only slightly).
The keto diet minimizes carb-consumption to 20 grams a day, including the obvious of bread and pasta and pastries and sweets, but also the categories we didn’t give enough thought to: fruits and vegetables. Counting how many pieces of romaine lettuce I was allowed to eat was the start of my breaking point. The upside is that we were to proportionally increase our intake of fats and protein, most excitedly in the form of bacon.
Eating bacon and reducing body fat. Eating cheese and increasing “good” HDL cholesterols while reducing “bad” LDL cholesterols. It seemed like a win-win.
We made the goal achievable by setting out that we would reassess after one month. Sharing this upfront: I lasted two weeks. We should’ve known that this was going to be an epic fail from the start when the Mister was measuring everything to the 0.01th of a gram, and I was wanting to flex to ~20 to 30 grams a day.
We were counting the number of almonds we were eating, breaking our food processor from making cauliflower rice, declining social meals with friends, and had such a NO mentality in all of the things we cannot have.
This period of time was dark, surprisingly dark. I had very negative thoughts about food, but more alarmingly, I had increased negativity about myself. It triggered a similar experience with food I had in high school. I felt like a failure. I felt like I didn’t have the willpower. I felt like a disappointment. I cried a lot in this two week period. My mind was cloudy. I recognized that I was a hot mess, but I didn’t have the resources to get out of it. And, all this to say… LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. My brain was starving. My body was starving. My soul was starving.
So, in short, the Mister fared much better than I did.
While searching for parking for lunch one day, I began SOBBING. Since I was the one behind the wheel, the Mister asked that we pull over. We decided then and there, that this experiment was over. So, we wiped my tears, and drove straight to a hot bowl of pho :).
Mister: I appreciate you, to say the least. Nowadays, we reflect back on this experiment with a nervous laughter, but at the time, I was experiencing a dip in my mental health that required your flexibility, understanding, and love. Thank you for supporting me. Always.
with love, kim
P.S. In high school, I had a self-diagnosed eating disorder that I went through on my own (friends and family didn’t know, or didn’t want to know). As an adult, I am VERY cautious about what diets I try or go on because it easily triggers those thoughts from that period. I recognize that I am motivated by the challenge of how long I can starve myself, celebrating the willpower to ignore the pains in my stomach, and the desire to control. This keto diet happened in 2016, and it was such a strong reminder that many years after high school, I am still learning to love and care for my body.
